A journey into the surreal

GIMME DAT!

2011-05-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Yup...I know...this song is TIIIGHT! Done by Ambassador (initially of Cross Movement. He is on XIST music now), produced by Cross Movement Records, enjoyed by myself and now you. Try not to kill the replay button OK?

The song did bring up a few thoughts that I have had for the past few months. To try and sum them all up in a phrase: seeking Gods hand, instead of seeking His face.

Let me expound. The prosperity doctrine, although initially extremely educative and faith inspiring (you cannot minister to the poor of you are poor yourself), seems to have devolved into the "gimme dat" syndrome. The focus thereof moved from seeking God first (as in Matthew 6:33) to “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” (Luke 12:19). Is it any wonder that God called such a man a fool (Luke 12:20), not because of his wealth, but because his sense of security and measure of accomplishment were hinged on what he had in his storehouse.

Have I fallen prey to the same? The rich young man in Luke 18:18 - 23 confidently told the Lord that he had kept all of Moses' commandments from his youth. For all intents and purposes, judging by the law of Moses, he was righteous. Nothing could be brought against him concerning his conduct, his speech, or his actions. And yet such a simple request from Jesus totally floored him. " Sell all that you have, give the money to the poor, and follow me". Of all the things he was doing, or things he prided himself he had done, this one act he wouldn't. Or maybe he couldn't? Did he posses his wealth, or did his wealth possess him?

To put the issue in context. God does not despise riches per se. In fact, as a show of favor, He liberally bestowed incredible wealth to his servants (Abraham, David, Solomon etc etc). The issue here is, where are my priorities? Who comes first? What is my wealth meant to do? How is it meant to be used?

I found a lovely article by Liberty Baptist Church (read the entire document here) from which I will throw a few points that were most helpful to me:

The Right use of wealth
The Pharisees regarded wealth as a sure sign of God’s blessing and proof that the person was righteous and certain of entering heaven. Christ used parables to correct this wrong thinking:
a) The wise use of present opportunities: The unjust steward (Luke 16:1-13).
A righteous person will act wisely, knowing that he must give account to God of his stewardship in the future. He will not misuse his money selfishly thinking only of the present. Christ commended the unjust steward, not for his dishonesty, but for wisely using present opportunities for future gain. Christ applied this truth to our use of wealth in v.8-13. If we are not faithful in handling worldly wealth now, who will entrust us with true riches later in eternity?
b) Material possessions are temporary. The Rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31).
Jesus teaches here that:
* Your wealth cannot save you.
* The beggar was saved because he trusted God for salvation, not because of
his poverty.
* Poverty is not necessarily a sign of God’s displeasure or punishment for sin.
* Poverty is no barrier to gaining true eternal riches.
c) The Result of selfishness and covetousness.
The Rich fool (Luke 12:16-21) parable shows that one’s use of wealth will reveal if he is righteous or unrighteous. This man, already wealthy, found his riches greatly increased by an abundant harvest. This increased wealth gave him an opportunity to show his love for God and fellow man by sharing his wealth with needy people. He refused to do this and instead stored them up for his own use. This wrong use of
wealth showed that he was unrighteous. Christ taught that we must rightly use our wealth now for other’s salvation, for earthly wealth to benefit us in the next life.

So Much More

2010-12-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

So there I was...holding a worthless piece of paper after getting conned off my cash!! I was sooo horribly dissapointed! Aarrgghh! I hate losing money. What puzzled me most was that I had actually prayed through the decision, performed due diligence to the best of my ability, prayed again....and STILL got scammed.

Its at this point in time that one is most tempted to ask questions like "Where was God when I was asking for guidance? God knows I wasnt in this to get inordinately rich illegally or immorally, so why did He allow it to happen to me? Does this mean I am not supposed to try my had at business at all? How will I pay back the money I lost? What is the point of it all?".

Soon after though His Holy Spirit got through to me and I repented for not trusting my Father. Honestly! Nothing, absolutely NOTHING happens to the saints without our Fathers consent and approval. Even the devil needed his application rubber stamped in order to torment Job! Ergo, the Father has a plan for EVERYTHING that happens to us, both 'good' and 'bad' (in parenthses simply because if it is us defining events and occurrences as good or bad, then we have already judged our Father of evil, a grave fallacy indeed. I need to blog about that too...).

In hindsight, I have learnt quite a few valuable lessons from the ocurrence, and just when I thot it was over the below devotion came in. I must admit its weird and wonderful the way God wants to make Himself known to me, and the myriad of ways he accomplishes it.

"And Amaziah said to the man of God, But what shall we do for
the hundred talents which I have given to the army of Israel?
And the man of God answered, The Lord is able to give thee
much more than this."
-- 2 Chronicles 25:9

A very important question this seemed to be to the king of Judah, and
possibly it is of even more weight with the tried and tempted O
Christian. To lose money is at no times pleasant, and when principle
involves it, the flesh is not always ready to make the sacrifice. "Why
lose that which may be so usefully employed? May not the truth itself
be bought too dear? What shall we do without it? Remember the children,
and our small income!" All these things and a thousand more would tempt
the Christian to put forth his hand to unrighteous gain, or stay
himself from carrying out his conscientious convictions, when they
involve serious loss. All men cannot view these matters in the light of
faith; and even with the followers of Jesus, the doctrine of "we must
live" has quite sufficient weight.

The Lord is able to give thee much more than this is a very
satisfactory answer to the anxious question. Our Father holds the
purse-strings, and what we lose for his sake he can repay a
thousand-fold. It is ours to obey his will, and we may rest assured
that he will provide for us. The Lord will be no man's debtor at the
last. Saints know that a grain of heart's-ease is of more value than a
ton of gold. He who wraps a threadbare coat about a good conscience has
gained a spiritual wealth far more desirable than any he has lost.
God's smile and a dungeon are enough for a true heart; his frown and a
palace would be hell to a gracious spirit. Let the worst come to the
worst, let all the talents go, we have not lost our treasure, for that
is above, where Christ sitteth at the right hand of God. Meanwhile,
even now, the Lord maketh the meek to inherit the earth, and no good
thing doth he withhold from them that walk uprightly

From spurgeons Morning and evening. You can subscribe to these daily devotions here

PS Where your treasure is, there your heart is also (Matthew 6:21)

Step Out Into the Deep

2010-11-24T23:33:00.000-08:00

For about two weeks now I have been struggling with a business situation: some goods I was expecting seem to be lost or delayed in transit. Potential customers are already asking questions and begining to doubt that they will get the goods they requested. Now a new avenue has opened up and it will take a large financial risk to begin a new business relationship. I have done as much due diligence as I am able to so now the onus is on me: should I step out into the deep?

I guess it is just me trying to stay within earshop of safe harbours. However, that is NOT where God dwells. He does business in the deep; where one totally and completely trusts Him, and Him alone.

Oh, and just to make things better, a pal sends me this devotion here below:

It takes no effort or faith to live in the familiar!
That’s why many are comfortable in the known...If Abraham never left he would have died unknown and unrecognized. The price of greatness is moving, going, risking and forsaking the past to lay hold on the future.

So there you have it. Amazing how GOd gives a loving, gentle nudge in the direction He wants you to go.

Here I am Lord; send me.

On Sibling Rivalry

2010-11-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

I have been following Pastor Jon Coursons through-the-Bible teachings for a while now. I find his teachings extremely witty and yet "deep" and real, and best of all, totally applicable for day-to-day living.

This week he has been teaching from Matthew 18 (you can listen to it free here) and just happened to put the spotlight on something that my wife had brought up very recently.

Perhaps a bit of background will help here: my family is "special" (myself included!). Due to historical events that I really am not too sure about, weighty issues never get discussed. In fact, so much is swept under the rug i suspect there is more under there than there is above it! Unfortunately we (as the kids) tend to have picked it up: elephants in the room are politely requested to keep to the corners, everyone has full medieval armour so no toes are stepped on, and a special resin has been invented that keeps everything below the carpet.

You can see now that no deep, meaningful interraction ever took place. In fact, when I got married, I could not understand why my wife fought so hard with her siblings, and yet at the end of the day they still loved each other to bits! In our house, people hardly ever fought. An atmosphere of "tolerance" (read "emotional constipation") was the order of the day. Sadly, my mum was chief in ensuring the status quo remained, perhaps in an effort to have a peaceful household, but in the process creating an unreal atmosphere, a domestic utopia if you will, that, in hindsight, must have taken ALOT just to hold together.

So now here I am. My sisters are not talking to me because they were involved in a car accident (dont worry they are ok: just a badly dented rear) and I have been unable to go see them due to issues upon issues at my home. One of them sent me a text to tell me so. That got me wondering: where were they when I had a full head-on collision with a chap so drunk he couldnt even get out of his car? Or the time a truck almost took out the entire right side of my car?

And that is where God steps in. Here are a few scanty notes on Pastor Jons sermon:

-Humility: Humility is not thinking lowly of ourselves (that actually is a form of pride). Humility is not thinkng of ourselves at all. Being "other-people-centric" as opposed to ego-centric.
-Honesty: Speaking the truth in love. Remember: Truth without love is brutality, but love without truth is false (the latter is exactly where I am).
-Forgiveness: The pharisees taught that you had to forgive two, maybe three times. Peter must have thought he was pretty hot advocating for seven times. But no. Christ lovingly told him "seventy times seven" or (as in another gospel) as many times as you want to be forgiven.

So Lord please help me. Broaching issues is very difficult but I cant expect it to start with someone else. The change begins with me.

I do not know what to do but my eyes are on you (2 Chronicles 20:12)

Random Rhymes

2010-11-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yes I know...I havent posted a thing in AGES! AEONS! Millenia even! So here goes. The below is a rhyme that came to mind when listening to my fave radio station - radio316. It was a country song about Noah singing in the rain. I found that an intriguing concept and decided to come up with something more...well...me :-)

Like Noah, singing in the rain
Daniel, dancing in the flames
Christ, walking on the waves
Peter, praising in the jails
Lot, watching as they blazed
The pharisees, confused and amazed
stood, abused and dismayed.
Like a fool and his ways
Judas, a fool who surveyed
Gods Tool to betray
But in the end
Jesus! Who rules and who says
"Come one, come all to Me,
All who are subdued and in pain"

Not I, But He

2010-07-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

There is always that one devotion that you read that so grips you, so takes you, so answers all your questions, quells your fears, ignites your hope, that you read it over and over again, and cannot get enough of. The one below did it for me a few days back. It is a devotional by C. H. Spurgeon (June 19, 1834 – January 31, 1892) that i recieve in my mail daily (you can recieve the daily devotional too from Heartlight).

Thank you Lord. I sooo needed to hear this...

"Looking unto Jesus."
-- Hebrews 12:2

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to
Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is
constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He
insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you
do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end;
you have not the joy of his children; you have such a wavering hold of
Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find
comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our
eyes entirely away from self: he tells us that we are nothing, but that
"Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of
Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that
saves thee-it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be
the instrument-it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so
much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ;
look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to
thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall
never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our
feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the
soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it
must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his
death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be
fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when
thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears
come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never
fail thee.

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name."

But God

2010-06-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

The sperm hits the egg
and a new life is born;
Open destiny, unwritten future;
Tabula Rasa.
Unfettered, unknown.

And there she is! Our lovely little angel, about a month and a half old in that pic. Not a day goes by without us thanking God for her. It has been quite a journey, through very deep dark valleys, when we were not sure we would ever get close, let alone make it. But God....what a wonderful statement! Seemingly the beginning of Gods involvement in the affairs of men. Off course He was always involved but at that particular moment, its almost as if He steps in and says "Enough!"

“…Yet your father has deceived me and changed my wages ten times, But God did not allow him to hurt me.” Genesis 31:7

“ But God had come to Laban the Syrian in a dream by night, and said to him, “Be careful that you speak to Jacob neither good nor bad.” Genesis 31:24

“ So now [it was] not you [who] sent me here, But God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.” Genesis 45:8

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8"

“ But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ by His grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:4

We can go on and on (read one lovely article here).

The mercies of God are endless, his love boundless. At His great works we wonder "Who is man that you are mindful of him, mere man that you care for him?" (Psalm8:4) It is bewildering, and humbling all at once. We can but thank Him. Over and over again. Every single day we live.

First Day

2010-05-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

So there I was in my new primary school. It looked funny. It smelt funny. The other kids, the color of the walls, the odd looking, odd sounding teachers, it all confirmed my deepest fear: mum and dad finally had decided to get rid of me. Not that I blamed them. That stunt with my mums vinyl collection had left the house silent indeed. And that was after the experiment with the stereo. They had sworn by terrible gods and even more terrible ancestors that the TV would be behind razor wire. Permanently.

Mum and dad shouldn't curse like that...its not good...

"Kinuthia!"

I jumped. We were all assembled, single file by class, at the central area of the school, a sort of cul-de-sac if you will. The towering classrooms seemed to be glowering down on us, making us feel even smaller. The Head-teacher (what was her name again? Washer? Wisher? Ah..Wachira..Mrs Wachira) was reading out the register of all the new entrants (read convicts) into the institution.

"Kinuthia?!"

"Urr..I'm here..ma'am"

A snigger rippled through the crowd. Calling a teacher 'ma'am' was extremely unusual in this part of the world. You couldn't blame me for that. First my parents send me to a cream-of-the-crop British school, then throw me into this hell hole. Curses. They must have found out what happened to the cat...

Mrs Wachira gazed at me with obvious disdain. Curses. Making enemies on the first day of ANYTHING was bad luck of the worst sort in my books.

This was not going to be easy...

I forced myself to concentrate on the goings on. A difficult task considering I was only 6 years old with the attention span of a fruit fly. Again, not my fault. No one had done any research on the possible connection between 7 hours of TV a day and ADHD that long ago. I gazed at her until my neck ached and eyes watered. A fat lizard crawling on the wall a few feet above her caught my eye. I could envision a myriad of delicious outcomes should it have lost its grip, none of which would be favorable to her.

My slingshot....darn! Mum had performed a full search of everything that I had packed into my knapsack. She had found the slingshot. And the water gun. The boomerang too. She even took away the marbles! For sweet Pete's sake, what damage could one child do with a sack of marbles? That incident with her rear view mirror had come back to bite in a big way. How was i to know glass doesn't bounce off glass? I was 5 and a half! What would I know?!

The mood of the other students changed. I looked around wondering what was coming next. A lanky upper primarian with dark curly hair and simian proportions walked up to the podium. The headmistress whispered a few words to him. He nodded seriously and intelligently, then turned to face us.

"Therefore now no condemnation for there is no condemnation in my heart..."

And immediately the kids burst into a horribly discordant retort which i later learnt was the head teachers favorite song. For an excruciating 5 minutes I had to attempt to follow what was meant to be a hymn. All things considered I did pretty well. That trick i learnt the first (and last) time mum and dad took me to church: Simply repeat "The cow jumped over the moon" to the tempo of whatever song (smiling and nodding occasionally) and none but the most observant can tell that you have no idea how the song went. This particular song, however, troubled me. For a few seconds i couldn't tell why, until i remembered my dad telling me that the process by which blood traveled in the body was called condemnation. I was sure of it.

I looked around me. Poor malnourished, brainwashed fools. When push came to shove I'm pretty sure they would be begging for condemnation in their hearts. I kept mouthing the song though. Dad had also told me that "You never rock the boat that bites you son" and I was not going to do that. Not on the first day of school. I was going to blend in with this sorry lot. Even if it killed me.

The song ended abruptly and it was time to go to class. We were herded like sheep to the direction of a particularly evil looking, damp, mould smelling, cavern-like building. I sighed. Only 7 years, 300 days, 6 hours to go.

This was not going to be fun...

Disconnected!!

2010-02-26T03:59:00.000-08:00

Ok so wifey and I took one of the most drastic steps EVER attempted by mankind. I mean, this is akin to boldly going to where no one (ok few people) have gone before (insert dramatic Star Trek theme song here). We lapsed our Satellite TV cable subscription. Deliberately!! We have never bothered to buy the standard TV aerials so yes...we are disconnected! Unplugged! Isolated!! Or so I thought...

You are taught in every premarital counselling class the dangers inherent in the little (or not so little depending on your available income) box of pictures and magic. Personally, I took all that teaching with a grain of salt. Telly never really hurt anyone, did it? Didnt I get that question answered! We now have much more time to talk, read our novels (we both love reading), or just listen to the radio and critique everything. Initially I thought it would be extremely difficult but now its turning into something supremely enjoyable. There is never any mad rush to catch something on the tube; when my wife needs my attention I dont have to swear inwardly at the timing, or ask her to wait until the commercial break. We simply get a few movies, or seasons of our fave series and watch when we feel like, and when we get bored we argue about whether space-time is flat or curved...I even have more time to practice on the piano.

Steve and Cindy Wright in their Marriage Missions website state the following: "Let me (Steve) just say...that as a recovering "TV-holic," balance in this area of my life is essential. I can easily find myself spending hours in front of the TV rather than doing anything productive for my spiritual life or my married life if I'm not careful."

They then cap it off with this interesting, if not sobering, satire of the 23rd Psalm:

THE 23rd CHANNEL (Author Unknown)

The TV set is my shepherd. My spiritual growth shall want.
It makes me to sit down and do nothing for His name's sake
because it requires all of my spare time.
It keeps me from doing my duty as a Christian
because it presents so many good shows that I must see.
It restores my knowledge of the things of the world,
and keeps me from the study of God's word.
It leads me in the path of failing to attend the evening worship services
and doing nothing in the kingdom of God.
Yea, though I live to be 100, I shall keep on viewing television as long as it will work.
for it is my closest companion. Its sound and its picture, they comfort me.
It presents entertainment before me, and keeps me from doing important things with my family.
It fills my head with ideas, which differ from those set forth in the Word of God.
Surely, no good things will come of my life
because my television offers me no good time to do the will of God.
Thus I will dwell crown-less in the house of the Lord forever.

Oh and the lovely photo at the begining is Unplugged by N0t1m3. See it on Deviantart here

When I say "I am a Christian"

2010-02-08T23:47:00.000-08:00

I know i have not blogged in quite a while...my apologies to all my fans out there. And no it is not because of anything bad or wrong; I have just been running around pretty hard trying to keep this boat afloat.

Now it hits me that I have been working and serving and worrying, being obsessed and possessed by that which needs to be done. How quickly I forget! As much as God appreciates all the activity, it is in the stillness, and silence that the rightousness, peace and joy overflow. The activities will cease, but the latter three will remain forver. So if you are like me, here is what Jesus says to us both:

LUKE 10:40-42

41) And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

42) But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Perhaps because of this my wifey, in her characteristically helpful and supportive role, sent me the below poem. What a wonderful encouragement! What a humbling note! It is rare you get to see such a simple, hearfelt cry...

When I say..." I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost"
"That is why I chose this way"

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are all too visible
but God believes I'm worth it

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority
I only know I'm loved.

Carol Wimmer

Art Attack

2010-01-24T10:39:00.001-08:00

The base unit..

Art Attack!

2010-01-24T10:38:00.001-08:00

The new tv cabinet wifey and I got made. It makes the sitting room so artsy..

More new years muffins!

2009-12-30T11:02:00.001-08:00

Just a different angle to those lovely treats.

New years muffins

2009-12-30T08:12:00.001-08:00

Feast your eyes on the treats! This was a small project between my wife and I to spice up our New Year. Needless to say they came out phenomenally (what were you expecting??).

PS: They taste as good as they look :-D

A Tribute to my Wife

2009-12-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

A tribure i wrote to my wife for our anniversary on the 12th Dec. I love you baby:

I cant believe

I cant believe its been one year with you
Its amazing what God has brought us through
You are as beautiful as the day i said i do
Loving, witty, kind and caring too

I cant believe how fast time flies
So fast, and yet with you it was just a blink of the eyes
Every day with you a surprise
As new as the morning, fresh as the clear blue skies

I cant believe how far we have come
How much we've been, how much we've done
Three children, a new car, house, and then some
Loved by the Father, united by the Son

I cant believe the love we share
Its not what we do its who we are
Our hearts and minds we bare
To each other, a Godly love with no compare

My Prayer

2009-11-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

If I can throw a single ray of light across the darkened pathway of another;
if i can aid some soul to clearer sight of life and duty, and thus bless my brother;
if I can wipe from any human cheek a tear, I shall not have lived my life in vain while here.

If I can guide some erring one to truth, inspire within his heart a sense of duty;
if I can plant within my soul of rosy youth a sense of right, a love of truth and beauty;
if I can teach one man that God and heaven are near, I shall not then have lived in vain while here.

If from my mind I banish doubt and fear and keep my life attuned to love and kindness;
if I can scatter light and hope; if I can cheer and help remove the curse of mental blindness;
if I can make more joy, more hope, less pain, I shall not have lived and loved in vain.

If by life’s roadside I can plant a tree, beneath whose shade some wearied head may rest,
though I may never share its beauty, I shall yet be truly blessed.
And though if in the end, no one knows my name, nor drops a flower upon my grave, I shall not have lived in vain while here.

– by Anonymous

Lazy Boy

2009-10-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

God has been gently turning my head so that I can view my own weaknesses and see areas that I am unable, but mostly unwilling, to see. Chief of these is laziness. I have really fought hard with this one: justifying myself left, right and center. I never wake up when the alarm rings. Im always late for devotion. Sure, I say, but I will still do the mandatory one hour right? Thus im never early or even on time for work, my projects finish on time yes but thats more Gods grace then anything to do with me.

God help me.

'Tis the voice of a sluggard; I heard him complain
You have waked me too soon; I must slumber again;
As the door on its hinges, so he on his bed,
Turns his sides, and his shoulders, and his heavy head.

A little more sleep, and a little more slumber
Thus he wastes half his days, and his hours without number;
And when he gets up, he sits folding his hands,
Or walks about saunt'ring, or trifling he stands.

I passed by his garden, and saw the wild brier,
The thorn and the thistle grow broader and higher;
the clothes that hang on him are turning to rags;
And his money still wastes till he starves or he begs.

I made him a visit, still hoping to find
That he took better care for improving his mind:
He told me his dreams, talked of eating and drinking,
But scarce reads his Bible, and never loves thinking.

Said I then to my heart: Hear's a lesson for me;
That man's but a picture of what I might be;
But thanks to my friends for their care in my breeding,
Who taught me betimes to love working and reading.”

Isaac Watts (1674 – 1748)

A Stitch in Time

2009-10-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

My wife suddenly begun having contractions on Sunday (4th Oct) and I had to rush her to hospital. I was initially very apprehensive: I had spent all my money on the hormone supplements required by her doc and was unsure how I was going to afford the treatment and medication. I even had to borrow cash from my dad just to get her to the hospital...

Have you noticed that? I, Me...me me me everywhere forgetting that under the Fathers care the righteous never go hungry nor their seed beg bread. The miracles begun right from the accounts desk, and snowballed all the way after that. The hospital agreed to see her eventhough my card does not inlude maternity cases. After that they admitted her, got her a bed and all in record time. Then our HR broadcast to my superiors in London that i wouldnt be in and took it upon herself to get the company to pay the bill. All the while I stood in awe at Gods works.

Yesterday she went in for the MacDonald stitch and all is well. Doc wants her to stay put for another day or two but besides that he is pleased with her progress.

What now is left for me to say? Eventhough I knew that

You alone are the LORD;
You have made heaven,
The heaven of heavens, with all their host,
The earth and everything on it,
The seas and all that is in them,
And You preserve them all.
The host of heaven worships You.(Nehemiah 9:6)

He still went ahead to show His glory. And even when I, like the Israelites,

refused to obey,
And they were not mindful of Your wonders
That You did among them.
But they hardened their necks,
And in their rebellion
They appointed a leader
To return to their bondage.
But You are God,
Ready to pardon,
Gracious and merciful,
Slow to anger,
Abundant in kindness,
And did not forsake them. (Nehemiah 9:16)

A New Hope

2009-09-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

I cant thank God enough. We are now 9 weeks pregnant and now have renewed hope that we shall finally carry this baby to term. It has been a difficult journey: and i must confess i begun to lose hope and to dispair, and like so many others, resign myself to my fate, whatever it may be.

But God broke through, and I cant stop singing his praise.

Psalm 112
7 (Surely the righteous)will not be afraid of evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
8 His heart is established;
He will not be afraid

For the spurgeon study of the above verse please go here

Week 8 Day 1 - 3: Conforming to Him...

2009-07-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

Ok this week is all about spiritual gifts, and how you can identify them, zero in on them, and then bless the body of Christ with your service through them.

Ok here are the SHAPE points as presented in the book. I am hoping and praying I can find something in there that I can use to do Gods work:

Sprititual Gifts:
1) Creativity
2) Knowledge
3) Mentoring (I think)
4) Teaching (I think)

Heart: ie my passions
1) Music
2) Computers
3) Movies

Abilities: what are you good at?
1) Singing, music
2) Coding
3) Organizing

Personality:
1) Mild extrovert
2) Sanguine (?)
3) Love the limelight
4) Witty
5) Flippant

Experiences that Have shaped you
1) SInging with proffessional musicians
2) Working with street kids
3) Parents separation
4) Passing away of loved ones

Now to make sense of all this...

Week 8 Day 4 - 5: He who the Son sets free...

2009-07-23T00:39:00.000-07:00

Debt is really, REALLY enslaving. Ask me about it. I have struggled with a certain debt for 2+ years now...and it seems very very hard to get out of it. Now i should have known better and NOT gotten into it in the first place. But further to that, i should have used the sale of a certain asset in my possession at the time to significantly reduce the debt. But I was foolish, something I am paying for now (literally).

The only way that I think I can do it now is to sell off my car, a most uncomfortable prospect seeing as it has now become an asset to my wife's business. And then there is the issue of when we get pregnant...

If there was ever a time I needed Gods wisdom, it is now. I have prayed alot on this issue due to the effects debt has on your spiritual walk. I have been unable to tithe completely so far, and thus feel denied of huge spiritual gifts. True I shifted the debt to a lower paying loan instrument, but it remains an eye-sore on the monthly budget, straining every other item in its wake.

Now I feel God telling me to rest in His peace, and that it will all work out, and that I do not have to run to and fro, and fret and worry, that it is all taken care of.

Week 8 Day 1 - 3: The Giver and the Gift

2009-07-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

11 “Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, 12 lest—when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; 14 when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage;17 then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’
18 “And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth" Deuteronomy 18: 11 - 17, 18

I do thank God that He has been working on the area of giving for quiet some time now..and more than that, He has demonstrated His supernatural gift of provision time and time again (ask me about my wedding some day..quite a few miracles there!)

I have however been struggling with the net vs gross issue, partly because of the forced saving rule in the company I work with. Not that I am unthankful, goodness no. I just need to take the extra step of faith in giving ALL my tithe into the storehouse of God, as said in Malachi.

I also struggle with a single major debt that has crippled my ability to give all. I am trusting God that in this particular week I will be able to learn how to shake off those shackles and walk free.

Week 7 Day 4 - 5: The Whole Earth, and All That Are In It

2009-07-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

It is encouraging to read the stories of Ecclesias taking up the mantle and addressing environmental problems. God really is the God of the whole earth. It therefore follows that we should be good stewards of the same.

But in the same vein, He wants us to go forth and evangelise ALL nations. This concept was very foreign to me, after all, only "great men of God" travelled country to country preaching the Gospel. But here again surfaces my prior misconceptions about the great commission. The commission was for US ALL to go out to all the world. Adopting a country is a very good idea in my opinion. It crystallizes something that has been made extremely abstract. It brings that country, and the people therein to our living room, so to speak, and allows us to bring them to God in prayer effectively.

I believe the Wife and I should pick a country (she has a passion for Africa so chances are that's where we will get one) and adopt it, and pray for it, and trust God for miracles in it. This goes way beyond just praying for our families and our friends...

Week 7 Day 1 - 3: Transformation Crusade

2009-07-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

I am glad to be a part of such a progressive Church. So few "get" Gods agenda on a total transformation of the society, and limit his working to only an individuals life and family (thereby inadvertently making the society even more individualistic).

I always thought that the CHristian responsibility extended beyond just our locale, but now I can see clearly what God had always intended for us to be. Evangelism and social relief are not the grand finale of His plan for salvation. There remains community development, social transformation, reconciliation and environmental concerns on top of that.

I cant wait to plug into a ministry where I can give of the gifts and talents that i possess. I am especially interested in helping someone one move from dependancy to self provision (but then again, my wifes business may just be the place im called, in which case im involved already!!).

God bless.

Week 6 Day 3 - 5: Go and Tell Somebody!

2009-07-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

A very sobering three chapters. The call to evangelise is for ALL Christians, regardless of their giftings. I have been completely lax and complacent in this area. Of no heavenly use whatsoever. Even blogging about it has been hard. And this is in spite of the fact that my gift lies smwhere in music (still trying to find out where).

The short survey at the back of the book has revealed that my personal strenghts are strongly intellectual, with confrontation and testimony coming as weak seconds, my interpersonal and serving aptitudes are apalling, and invitational virtually non-existent. So call me complicated :-D

I just done believe the story of my conversion is that "compelling". To me, its the same old, same old. But there is someone out there who needs to believe God can save someone like him, and he happens to relate with my story, so Lord, help me tell it.

Lord help me be able to reach out.

My impact list is as follows:

1) Dad
2) Nitu and Pree
3) Dunkie

Week 6 Day 1 - 2: He came to save the Lost

2009-07-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

It is wondrous that such an all-knowing, all-powerful God sought me out when I was lost in my sins. The experience is mind-boggling, and extremely humbling all at the same time. If He did that for me, and used someone to share the Good News with me, then I should reach out for someone else who is lost as well, and show them the goodness of this God who is concerned with sinners.

Father help me reach out to others, just as you reached out to me, and that, through me, many will come to know you. Help me go and tell somebody.

Week 5 Day 5: Each One Reach One

2009-07-07T03:43:00.000-07:00

Interestingly, the catch-phrase title was Chapels motto on one particular outreach month a long time ago. It been very long since i witnessed to anyone about my faith in Christ, half the time feeling too guilty about the state of my life, and the other half too afraid of being rejected.

I kept thinking that the setting was all wrong, wondering if my testimony would ruin the friendship, or whether I even had anything of importance to tell anyone. I guess I used to overthink it, and consequently never do anything about it. And not reaching out for souls does have its consequences; my passion for lost souls diminished, and my christian walk became complacent.

I trust God to give me the courage and take away the fear of witnessing. After all, if I deny Him before men, He will deny me before the Father.

Week 5: Day 2 - 4: In Communion

2009-07-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

The importances of joining a ministry, or Ecclesia for that matter are myriad. Despite our third world setting, our society is getting more and more disjointed. The feeling of being alone in a crowd is getting more and more prevalent. The temptation to conform in order to be accepted, harder to resist. The need to feel part of something, ANYTHING, overwhelming.

The small church group setting has never really worked for me though. This has largely been due to my past. The "small" group was not small at all, there was no fellowship or "bonding", more like cliques, and even within those it was a constant battle to be seen, heard, recognised, regarded and, ultimately, rewarded.

This one is different though. I do pray it works out...

Week 5 Day 1: A Part of the Anatomy

2009-07-04T04:06:00.001-07:00

Ok the slow pace of the Internet is REALLY getting to me...and my provider tells me there will be no changes until the fibre lands...which will take about 3 more months!!!

I cant live like this!!!!!

Ok on with the series:

This week has been all about body parts and functions, in the body of Christ that is. Interestingly, I had never thought of it in that way. Sure I had always known that I am a member of the body of Christ, but the logical conclusion (I therefore should be doing something in the Church) had never actually hit me. True I have always loved serving in the Church, but to realise that it is a REQUIREMENT not a hobby or pastime is an eye opener. At least for me. It is important to get plugged in.

And therein lies the conundrum: I am hesitant to begin serving because family plans will eventually make me scarce as far as meetings go due to time constraints. Does this show a lack of faith? Should I just go ahead and plug into the ministry I would like to be involved in and trust God to do the rest? Questions...questions...

My Summary on Prayer

2009-07-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

This is a small insight I had while studying the previous lessons on the Mizizi course. Ok not quite an insight but more a guideline for extended prayer. The 15min prayer sessions I have are OK now but wont do much longer: I need something that will guide me to deeper communion with God. Most of the points are self explanatory but I will list a few pointers for those that are not:

The daily quiet time should include the following:

Worship:
Begin your time by focussing on who God is and appreciating Him. Sing aloud a worship song or read a psalm of praise.

Read:
Read the Bible: read the message through to understand the big picture, then again to understand how it applies to you.

Apply:
Now take time to apply what you read in your life. Based on the passage:
1) Is there a Sin to confess?
2) Are there Promises to claim?
3) Are there Examples to follow?
4) Is there a Command to obey?
5) Is there a Truth about God to believe?

Pray:
Most important of all, pray regularly, pray privately and finally (and perhaps most importantly) pray genuinely.

Now on to the model of prayer:

1)Adoration: Reflect back to God on who He is. We speak of His greatness and ability, and how much we love Him.
2) Confession: We acknowledge our sins and apologise for them with a view to turning away.
3) Thanksgiving: Thank God always, in good times and in difficult times.
4) Supplication: Bring before God not only YOUR requests, but also the requests of others. Remember God is greater than our requests, and more powerful than any problem we will ever face.

Journelling
Journelling is a great way to keep track of the prayers that God has answered. It is also encouraging during trying times because we have a record of Gods consistent goodness throughout our Christian lives.

Week 4 Day 5: If you are willing and obedient..

2009-06-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

There are no unconditional promises in Gods word. The entire plan of the ages rests in His hands, but He requires our participation as well. Isaiah 1:19 "IF you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good of the land".

Willingness and obedience are character traits, and therefore God focuses on our character intensely. "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks". "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life". Who I am inside is much more important than what I have outside.

I am the clay and He the potter. I must give Him the authority to mould me as His will. After all, His plans are to give me a future and a hope.

Week 4 Day 3 - 4: God is Willing and Able

2009-06-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a slow and painful journey to get to the point where I believe God is able, and willing to be involved in my life. For so long I thought my life was a constant stream of trivialities, not befitting audience with the King of Glory. I imagined Him quickly taking a passing glance at my life and moving on to more important things.

All this changed when my wife and I suffered a huge and terrible loss. A very present help in the time of trouble is what He became to us. Like the beggar on the street we cried out "If you are willing, you can make me whole". To which Jesus responded without hesitation "I AM willing...". We are not out of the woods yet, but we have no doubt that He is willing, over and above being able. Despite the tragedy, I am grateful He gave us the chance to trust in Him, and, despite the fact that things didn't work out as we would have liked, He remained there for us.

Week 4 Day 2: Whatever the Cost

2009-06-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Luke 14:28 "For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it--"

I have no illusions. This journey will cost me EVERYTHING. But then again, what do I have that He did not give me in the first place. What does it profit for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose his soul? (My favourite part) Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul??

As I surrender my will in exchange for His, then what I have to gain will fade away...and I will finally be able to rejoice in seeing His will accomplished. It stands to reason that at this point in time my own issues will be insignificant in comparison to His surpassing glory. I have no excuse. For so long I have been held by by what I thought I could not do without but no more:I want to love, and I want to server, from a clean heart and pure conscience. No holds barred. Nothing held back. Nothing to lose because I have everything to gain from following His will.

Week 4 Day 1: No longer I

2009-06-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Gal 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me, and gave Himself for me"

Despite the ups and downs of the past week, it is a joy just to consider how much I'm learning about God. Its totally different from the past. A hunger seems to have been awoken deep within me, and I cannot seem to get enough. I seem to be falling more and more in love with Jesus. I couldn't stop myself even if i wanted to! It feels sooo GOOOD!!

Where is this leading, I wonder...where am I going...I am tempted to panic, and turn back or withdraw but no. This has been a long time coming. I have wanted this for so long. I will press on, knowing that He has my best interests at heart.

I am finally on my way...

Week 3 Day 4 -5: By Prayer with Supplication and Thanksgiving...

2009-06-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

Prayer is conscious and deliberate..the forces that be will not permit otherwise. I am working on making my prayer life consistent and private: I seem to have too much to do ALL the time, a situation that I do not believe is accidental. The enemy must keep one away from Gods throne room: it is the only place he has no power over the proceedings, and therefore whose outcome he cannot control.

I have never had a problem with praying genuinely. After years of watching 'performance prayers' both on and off the pulpit, I am painfully aware of my inadequacy before God, and my complete ineffectiveness if i try to impress Him. Why should I try to be like someone else?? They are already taken!!!

Besides I find it much more fun to be myself with God. I really have nothing to hide before Him; there is nothing I CAN hide from His all seeing glare. When I come to Him just as I am, I believe I can clearly see Him just as He is.

I will appropriate the ACTS system of prayer (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication). I will also blog my prayers as well so as to remind myself of all that God has done.

Week 3 Day 3: Gods Word, a Treasure

2009-06-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

It is only recently that I have begun to read the Bible for transformation, as opposed to information. I must confess that for a long time, I was caught in the 'endless disputes' section of Christians as described by Paul, something that can severely stunt spiritual growth.

I am glad to be out of that one. My personality does tend towards knowledge for its own sake, but I am glad to have the added advantage of now being able to credit specific behavioural, intellectual, and verbal transformations to Gods word, for His sake and to His glory, not mine.

I guess this means that I am already on my way to the spiritual 'prosperity and success' that Joshua was assured of IF he meditated on Gods word, day and night. Off course the benefits transcend spiritual, but then again, His will is done on earth, just as it ALREADY IS in Heaven.

Week 3 Day 1 -2: Jehovah Speaks, Jehovah Hears, Jehovah sees, Jehovah Knows

2009-06-17T10:44:00.001-07:00

By far the most important topic in the series so far, at least for me. Its hard to put a finger on it...in a nutshell, I feel I really needed to hear this, to know it.

The fact that God speaks is treated so casually in the Bible...as if I was somehow meant to know that He does!!! Repeatedly! Incessantly even!! Its as natural as He is. He is, therefore He speaks. And in every single way possible. From the thunder and lightening and earthquakes of Sinai, to Elijah's still small voice, from the plagues of Egypt, to a lunch dinner with Abraham. God speaks. All the time. If the heavens, even the highest heavens declare His goodness, and the raging oceans his glory, if the stars shout his praises, then Gods actions are so loud its a wonder we can hear the voices of doubt and fear and disbelief.

Jehovah speaks, Jehovah hears...

The WRAPS quiet time is very encouraging. I must confess mine is not even nearly alike, but perhaps that is something I will listen out for in the next class; the others may have interesting ways of having a high-impact quiet time. I read the Bible chapter that accompanies Spurgeon's devotions every morning (OK most mornings:-)) and I'm currently fighting to have a 15min prayer time every evening. When it works, it works perfectly. When it doesn't, it all falls apart, particularly when I am having a major issue at work.

But since the essence of a quiet time is intimacy with God, them I'm sure He will help. After all,

Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows

Day 4 - 5: The Solution, and its Logical Consequence

2009-06-13T07:40:00.001-07:00

Not feeling well today. Have had a nasty flu and just coming out of it. So this wont be as flowery as my normal posts..

So the solution to man's problem was for God to step in. Trust us to put our foot into something we couldnt get out of. Again and again, God reaching out to His creation to help them out of their own messes. Grace never-ending. Eternal. Consistent and focussed. And therefore, able to seek and to save, and sustain, eternally.

I therefore have nothing to fear, no reason to doubt, nothing more to add, and nothing that can be subtracted.

Day 2 - 3: Who God is, and What I am Not

2009-06-10T11:36:00.001-07:00

I have combined the two lessons coz of...err..illumination issues (read power cuts at home).

So here goes. Ps this is strictly my view of how things went down...

GOD...in the dateless past created the Heavens and the Earth..perfect!!! (no...we have not gotten to the formless and void part yet) Job actually states that the stars sung for joy when He unveiled our planet to the Hosts of the heavens, and indication it was not quite the hunk of rock it is now.

Fitting with its radiant beauty, he assigned Lucifer as head of the planet. Lucifer, called the son of the Morning, second only in beauty and glory to the Bright Morning Star. What more could a man (or angel for that matter) want!!!!

But then something went horribly wrong. Details are scanty, but what we do know is that Lucifer decided he could be equal to God, that he too could make his throne room in the Heavens.

Now, if God did create us to do good works, and prepared the same for us in advance, from the foundation of the world..then can you not see it?!?!?! Suddenly Lucifer is meant to subject himself to some lowly terrestrial, biological being!! And not only has God planned to create this "thing", He planned to create it IN HIS IMAGE!!! ON LUCIFERS PLANET!!! Something had gone horribly wrong with the Godhead, Lucifer thought. This is NOT the way you run a universe. Why if I was in charge, reasoned Lucifer, no such thing would be permitted! The bottom would fall out of the space-time continuum if we let such things slide. If I was in charge.....

And that is where all Hell broke loose (literally).

Fast forward a bit: fight with Lucifer, ensuing destruction of the earth (insert "and the earth became formless and void" here), recreation, welcome Homo Superious!!! (Sapiens is a poor reflection of Superious). And what do we do?!?! Make like Lucifer and try to be like God!! Its ironic the Devil used the exact same temptation he fell for to get us...he most likely didn't have too many ideas. I mean, what's the worst you could do if you were a bunch of fallen angels floating thru the universe?!?

So the point: God had me in mind all along!! I was ALWAYS part of the plan!! I wasn't a date night accident, He had seen me from beyond, when there was nothing to see!!! I was always meant to be, and therefore always had a part to play. And no, not even my rebellion from God could stop Him from wanting me. So He sent His only Son so that I could see this, and turn back to Him, and be everything I was meant to be, and do all that I was given power to do.

Thank you Jesus.

Oh and the awesome picture is Chaos Theory by Hameed (http://hameed.deviantart.com/art/Chaos-Theory-639032)

Day 1: Who God is Not

2009-06-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

So we have joined Mizizi course...I remember thinking during the class that finally I could have a way of drawing closer to God.."to be where He was at" as it were.

Simplistic I know...but if God decided to hide Himself from man then we would be truly lost..for no man would or could find Him. So the prayer from my child's-heart is that I may find Him, and be found in Him, "not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith".

Ok first topic: Who God is not

My perception has varied widely through the years. I vaguely remember trusting him simply, completely, a long time ago...but then came the need to define Him, and that's where it all came unglued. From the harsh taskmaster to the indifferent parent to the uncool big brother...all some variation of a victim mentality, of subjection to Him who I had to contend with, and perhaps felt that i was failing in every aspect.

A certain helplessness at not being able to match up to the standards proposed (read yelled) by the preacher at the pulpit, anger and frustration at not understanding why I just couldn't get it down, as if it was an musical instrument, or particularly difficult piece of code. Didn't help at all that everyone in church seemed to be breezing right through it, saints all ready for heaven.

The need for mentors readily comes to mind. How much more easier would it have been if only I had known that it was a JOURNEY...not a destination!! That it was the smallest mustard seed that grew into the biggest bush!

In many ways the ups and downs of my relationship with my earthly dad directly affected my perception of my heavenly father. The maturing of the same has led me to realise that they were always meant to be similar in many ways, and you know what...that has made all the difference.

Thrilled!

2007-11-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

We huddle together in dark damp corner
wishing away the approaching doom yonder
tightly holding each other for succour
praying, watching, waiting for evils plunder

bone chilling wind, distant howl
thunder in the distance, screech of hapless fowl
the abomination looms ever closer
imagining, dreading, wanting it to pass over

A creak on the stairs sends shivers down our spine
a break of the chair as we grab each other, her hand in mine
abandonded house with none to hear our screams
as ghostly terror looks on with ghastly grin

Constant Incontinent Change

2007-10-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought...
the question that goes around and around in my mind
Like any other normal male, i had big dreams, big plans
that all fell apart...
But thats not the point.

Who would have thought..
this was how things were meant to be
(i thought)
oh so different how they turned out!
a complete about face, a seeming 360
So what is the point?

Who would have thought...
In the most unlikely of circumstances
In the most remote chance
amidst the deepest darkest dankest darkness
a ray of hope, a glimmer of joy
a point of light

Who would have thought...
Such a great fall would take me so high
Such rejection would lead to open-hearted acceptance
A beautiful let down...
a point of hate.. to a point of resignation..
to a point of love

Head Above the Clouds

2007-08-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

Dubai is AMAZING! Considering it was my first trip out of EA, first trip off the continent (not to mention the first time in an airborne plane) it was all i expected it to be...and then some. Lovely state-of-the-art everything!! Pic next is of the Borg Al Arab Hotel: dont even hate. Taking a clean pic of that wonder would require a camera much more expensive that what i had, and probably more skills than i can muster.

It goes without saying that it was the experience of a lifetime and, despite the subdued shopping experience (luxury does come with a price), and limited tour of the city, i had a blast.

But wait! Do i hear myself saying i had a blast? Without any designated female companion? I believe i did! Pure beauty need not be shared to be beautiful, it just is. The company only allows our expression and interpretation audience. Period. This is not to diminish shared experience no: Just to reinforce to the young and single like myself that joy, beauty, grace, can all be partaken of in solitude, and still be as moving and compelling as if we had the love of our lives next to us.

If not the architectural marvels, the wonders of human technology, the exquisite cuisine, the breath-taking sights, and rainbow of cultural diversity, Dubai showed me the pure joy of simply enjoying my life, where it is, how it is.

Ordinary People

2007-08-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Pastors sermon was on how God uses ordinary people. How so appropriate! Thereafter the MC (Timo) played John Legends version of the long. Lovely. That was the last song "we" shared before we parted ways. The song still plays over and over in my head. A fitting epitaph to what once was.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Ordinary People lyrics

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Overture

2007-08-17T03:57:00.000-07:00

Another dull day...this time its not dark...just dull. I keep being told that its for the best that it ended..and only today have i finally realised they could be
telling the truth. It IS over. Despite my best efforts, the relationship has ended-for the best if i may add.

Now if we could just reconcile what i thought and what i felt, everything would be honky-dory.

I need to stop looking over my shoulder in anticipation (of what?) There is no harvest in putting your hand to the plough then looking back. Let not a double minded man think he shall ever recieve anything. For the simple fact that he is unstable, unpredictable, undependable.

I guess im on my way...

I will Find a Way

2007-08-10T01:51:00.000-07:00

Ok here is the plain text message for easier reading:

I've lost some joy, I've lost some time
Now it feels like I will lose my mind
Journeyed long and lost my way
And now it feels like I've lost is all I say

Searching here and over there for what 've lost
Where is it, I don't know
I will find a way

I will find a way to lift up my hands (lift up my hands)
And I will find a way to worship You Lord (find a way, I will find a way)
And though my heart is low, I'll find a way to give You praise
I will find a way to love You

I've lost so much down through the years
It seems that all I find here lately is a face so full of tears
I search each dark and empty place
The peace I used to know, somehow I have misplaced

Searching here and over there for the things I've lost
I don't have them anymore

I will find a way to lift up my hands (lift up my hands)
And I will find a way to worship You Lord (find a way, I will find a way)
And though my heart is low I'll find a way to give You praise
I will find a way to love You

One thing I've not lost is will to move ahead
And I've kept a faith that trusts in You Lord
And I find way down within myself, a love for You Lord that overflows
But I know that I can love You more with every loss and though it all

I will find a way to lift up my hands (lift up my hands)
And I will find a way to worship You Lord (find a way, I will find a way)
And though my life is broken, I'll find a way to give You praise
I will find a way to love You

I'll find a way
I know I will, I know I will, ooh ooh
And though my life is broken I'll find a way to give You praise
I will find a way to love, I will find a way to love
I will find a way to love You more

I will Find a Way

2007-08-10T01:45:00.000-07:00

FRED HAMMOND lyrics

Cold Fire

2007-07-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

I hate the pain. I hate the continual throbbing aching reality that i live in. It subsides for days at a time..then suddenly rears its ugly head...at the most inopportunime time if i may add. I seem to have to resort to pain killers to cure a cancer, morphine to alleviate a gangrenous foot.

Constant distraction seems to be the key. But how long can this last? How long can i play cat and mouse with myself and hope to win? How long can you escape your shadow? If this be, then i must be in constant and perpetual darkness..unable to confront the light for fear of seeing, and having to admit, the inevitable.

I must face it at some point. Which point is this? Perhaps when I can admit it to myself that it is over. But no. Not yet. Not now. I cannot. My heart cannot let go now. I am bound and, to some extent, gagged. What does this mean? Will i ever be free? What is freedom? Perhaps the realization that the only thing i risk losing when i let go of someone or something i am scared to live without is the fear itself.

I cannot and shall not live in fear. I must step out into the light. I must let go. I must live wild and die free.

hu-Man-being

2006-11-01T02:55:00.000-08:00

Its a mans world they say
I dont see how when just today
i read a man had been gang raped
but the law doesnt say its not ok
so the culprits got away

Perhaps im on the wrong planet
or its just the wrong time
perhaps the stars just need to properly allign
then perhaps smone will open their mind
and see the struggles a man goes thru one day at a time

consider a man, fatherless acting out his rage
consider a woman, brocken, bent out of shape
consider whos is mocked and told to act his age
consider whose emotions never meant to see the light of day
never allowed to take center stage.

When will i be allowed to cry and vent?
when will i be able to grieve not feign merriment
how am i supposed to find out who i am
with all that i am shut in like a clam?

Forgotten Friday

2006-08-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

Trip to nowhere, meet with no-one
solitary highway, lonely road
something to do, nothing to be done
silence, stilling the mind, chilling the blood.

Crowded space, yet empty room
unmanned house, filled with gloom
dine alone, no company soon
dread, impending sadness, approaching doom.

Insomnia late, sleep deprived
ceiling unyeilding, pillows uncomforting
still listening, company arrive?
anxious, waiting, will she come a-knocking?

To Eat

2006-08-14T03:15:00.000-07:00

Warm is the day, hollow the insides
too tired to play, need french fries
Need nourishment, banish the need
fullfillment, away the greed.

Seconds to minutes, minutes to more
deeper in it, more intense the groan
Need to eat, my strength revive
meat, to keep me alive.

Made it!!

2006-07-12T01:59:00.000-07:00

So i finally own a blog of my own!! Hmmmm..interesting. The wonders of modern technology. Everything is hunky dory till you remember what happened to the DotCom boom, though. I wonder where all the other nice posts by my fellow bloggers will go if it happens to free blogs as well. Interesting thought huh? :-D Makes you wonder about a lot of things really....like is the blog free because i subscribed to it, or did i subscribe to it coz its free. But at this point things get complicated so ill leave them be....for now....

Look out blogs...here i come!